Uncertainty

In the last ten days i have experienced the meaning of uncertainty.And i have understud it really well...From enjoying a musical concert at one moment to crying over your burnt house the other moment..from breathing a sigh of relief over tryng to come out of that trauma to waking up to an unexpected news of the death of you closed ones..life is really uncertain.

Out of all this, one thing that i have recognised within myself is the fear of this vicious circle of life and death.The fear of death.But more than the fear of dying  i m scared of the fear of losing my loved ones to death.

I guess now i can understand why Budhha went for something called Nirvana!

Ki tujhse ab koi vaasta to nahi raha mera, par tere hisse ka waqt ab bhi tanha guzarta hai...
Tujhe kahi aas pas dekhne ki kashmakash me, har ek pal ek sadee sa lagta hai...

The end...

Leaving your first organization is like having a break up with the first guy you met.You want to do it coz you have been hurt by them(it). But also there is a You inside that says, no..don't do it...don't leave. It worsens all the more if your organization wants to retain you without changing things you have had problems with coz of which you decided to leave it. Like your boyfriend trying to patch up with you without changing the things that irritate you the most in him.

But the truth is that you leave people and places and decide to move on. Thats a part of life, a reality. Somehow this philosophy doesn't stand when people make you wait fr five minutes on your last day at the place where you have been spending most of the time in the last five years and you suddenly start feeling that they are being rude to you just coz you are leaving the organization.

How emotional, how foolish!

A beautiful song...

Tum yeh kaise juda ho gaye,
Har taraf har jagah ho gaye,
Tum yeh kaise juda ho gaye...

Apna chehra na badla gaya,
Apna chehra na badla gaya,
Apna chehra na badla gaya,
Aaine se khafa ho gaye.....

Life..the two sides of a coin...

Today morning when i was waiting for my uncle to come and pick me up for
office..he suddenly came and started honking..in a hurry i got up..left my
milk unfinished and left..as soon as i sat in the car i heard my neice
crying..my sister carried herf in her lap and rushed her down the stairs
towards me..

She was crying coz i dint hug her before leaving like i do everyday.i
hugged her from inside the car and she started crying all the more..getting
angry over the fact that i dint step down to hug her..

Sometimes you ignore these small things in life to run behind the bigger
things that are far away from your reach..

Atleast theres someone who values my existence in her life unlike those who
i expect they would, but they actually dont...

Worst Night Ever...

Sometimes..life becomes so hard to live that yu just dont find anything in
place..evry situation every person is against you and you become your own
enemy..
Last night i was upset over something and shouted at my mom...she started
crying and went off to sleep without having her dinner...I didnt have my
dinner and engaged myself in my day-to-day activities..

I slept at 12 when suddenly somebody walked towards the restroom at 1..i
woke up to check only to discover my mom standing their and crying...i woke
up my sis and dad and she cried for the next half hour without being able
to speak..

I went back to sleep a sleepless night when the lights got switched
off..kept crying regretting what i did...sometimes life never gives you a
second chance

Day#...?

Y is it dat people have always hated me..i have observed one thing..be it my friend circle or my office project team..i find myself the least preferred one..
May be someday i would like to tell the world that i am not a bad person..my heart is good and its just that i dont pretend..is that wrong?is it that big a sin that people dont like me?